Bang, Bang! Boom, Boom! Borderlands 2

Bros, I have one question for you.  EXPLOSIONS?!?!?!  

Yes, that is correct reader; I ripped that straight from Borderlands 2!  The writing is THAT GOOD.  Can you believe it?  Borderlands 2 was quite a surprise for me; I liked the first game okay, but I was nowhere close to fandom.  I felt like the first Borderlands was very unique albeit INCREDIBLY boring.  I beat it in a weekend play though with a buddy of mine, and we enjoyed the heck out of it (Our very own, Elder!).  I remember picking the game up again months later to play on a lazy Sunday, and found myself unwilling to get through the tutorials – It’s really boring.  I ended up preordering this game not out of hype but rather because it was marketed with the bonus of a free extra character DLC, and as someone that buys video games I’ve come to realize DLC characters are either complete shite or game breaking awesome.  They can also be, like, eight bucks later.  I took a big old gamble on this game, but it was oh so worth it. 

Story

B2 starts the game in a very familiar fashion – a high moving vehicle running over a skag (think reptilian wolf creature with an Aliens mouth) playing a kick ass tune.  We are then shown the four main characters of the game on a train, Maya the Siren, Salvador the Gunzerker, Axton the Commando, and Zer0 the Assassin – I’ll talk more about them later.  They’re lured onto the train by the rich, powerful, and the king of douches, Handsome Jack, and he then tries to kill you by exploding the train (OMG, HE’S SO SMART!!!!). Lucky for you the game is just beginning, so you’re not dead!  I think you were wearing train explode armor.  Almost immediately after the BOOM, you’re found by the most loved video game character since Pikachu, the robot Claptrap; “Allow me to introduce myself - I am CL4P-TP steward bot, but my friends call me Claptrap! Or they would, if any of them were still alive. Or had existed in the first place!"   He is definitely an upgrade from the first game, and talks about more inane and hilarious stuff than ever before – in fact, the Claptrap jokes are probably my favorite in the game. Hey guys, if you like dat wub wub musix, Claptrap makes it…IT’SPRETTYCOOL.  He has a certain charm to him, like the guy you keep around because his enthusiasm is infectious, but he’s a total tool – he’s also the person your friends make fun of when they aren’t around because it’s hilarious.  I guess he really isn’t your friend per say, but definitely something to laugh at.  Boy, does old Clapper make the laughs.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, so you do a little adventuring with the robospazz Claptrap, and find yourself into a little town.  There you fight off bandits, and introduced to Sir Hammerlock.  Hammerlock is like one of those guys from those old nature programs; he goes around observing creatures, has a British Accent, and has a surprising amount of hatred to threshers (Think those big-ass worms from Tremors) that ate his arm.  He’s an alright chap by me, but he definitely isn’t as funny as the rest of the B2 motley crue.  Hammerlock and Claptrap task/guide(more of the former) you to the nest of bandits holding Claptraps boat (I lol’d at the fact a robot has a boat.  I’m guessing he’s trying to pick up honeys!). 

Guess who’s berating you while you’re doing this the whole time? Handsome Jack, that’s who!  The president of Hyperion informs you that you suck, he bought a pony comprised of diamonds, and names it Butt Stallion in your honor.  I love this man.  Well for a psychopathic, greedy, sympathetic mask-wearing mofo, he’s pretty damn entertaining.  HELL, he’s one of the greatest video game villains of the year!  …From that point on you reach Sanctuary where the good guy ‘bandits’ are.  You meet up with Roland, one of the four OG characters from the first game, and from that point on you meet many weird, psychotic, and hilarious characters that you help and in turn, get you closer to loot heaven.  The rest of the game plays out as a race to the Vault with Handsome Jack hot on your heels or fucking with you.  Luckily, you have a Guardian Angel…named Angel on your side.  They really don’t explain who she is or what she’s capable until towards the end of the game; she guides you to where you go, and explains what you need to get done to put down Handsome Jack and get to the Vault before he does.  She’s kinda weird, but cute in that awkward way.  She shows up in a weird live-action stripe on your screen.  She’s a girlie with a Mohawk that’s combed over, and she has alternates for bad words – shoot for shit.  If that doesn’t have your hummer running, I just don’t know you anymore reader!  I JUST DON’T KNOW.

 Now it looks like from what I said that the whole game is about the same exact game as the first, but it really isn’t.  There are a couple of plot twists that really change the game up, and actually instill a connection to the characters.  SHIET, a lot of the side quests you go on give you an opportunity to know many of the side characters, and that, in of itself, is incredibly rewarding (in sooooooooo many ways).  A fantastic example of B2 sidequest nonesence is helping out Marcus the gunsalesfreak. He tasks you to go out in this rather long quest to get his lockbox in the underbelly of a city.  You’re thinking there’s probably some stupid rare gun in there.  NOPE.  Just, y’know, freaking nudie pics of the hottie, Mad Moxxi.  And PLOT TWIST.  Mad Moxxi catches wind of this, and will gladly take those pics off of you for some dang loot.  And to make money off ‘em….That pretty much encapsulates the lunacy of B2. I.  LOVE. IT.  I don’t think there’s been a game that makes me actually laugh as much as this one; can you think of a game in recent history with such profound silliness? I think the characters’ charm really adds to your experience. 

Gearbox did a good job of adding new characters and keep familiar faces around.  My favorite NPC character is a new one, and her name is Tiny Tina.  Tina is Pandora’s best demolitionist, and she’s thirteen.  She talks like a hipster, and kind of like the characters from Adventure Time.  At one point you have to get some bombs and junk for Tina, so she can make some bomb-ass missiles; “"That's Mushy Snugglebites' badonkadonk. She's my main squeeze. Lady's got a gut fulla' dynamite and a booty like POOOW!" You meet up with her during one of the main missions, but she also has some jobs for you as well.  My favorite side mission involves getting guests (a bug she named Sir Reginald, a doll she names Princess Fluffybutt, and a homicidal bandit named Fleshstick) for Tina’s Tea Party.  IT’S SO FUNNY.  God!  The whole thing turns out to be a trap where she can kill the bandit.  I can’t emphasize enough; do the side missions.  It’s worth the loot and the adventure. This is great, and makes B2 a lot more than just a kill and loot game.  I don’t want to tell you too much about the main story…except IT’S FUCKING AWESOME.

Graphics

B2 employs cel-shaded graphics.  So long half of ya!  I don’t get why peeps hate cel-shaded so much, it’s really not that bad (Wind Waker won me over.) I feel like that makes game pop, and really feel like you’re in a different world.  To me, it saps the realism completely out of the game, so when you’re playing it you have no idea what’s gonna work – No fall damage.  Not really graphics related, but damn dats nice.  Why do you want to play something that feels and looks so realistic? B2 is a huuuuuuge game, and has many different areas that you can explore (with tons of easter eggs!  My favorite is the Minecraft area!).  There are some frigid mountainous areas, toxic dumps, ancient ruins, jungles, robo-cities, rundown floating city and many more.  I have to admit that some of the textures don’t load initially, and will pop randomly sometimes.  I must proclaim internet, that’s my biggest gripe about the game, and it’s a pretty small babby one at that. 

Gotta love Minecraft!

Gameplay

Let’s start with the characters.  You get to choose from Gunzerker, Assassin, Siren, Commando, or Mechromancer (if you have the dlc).  You don’t get to customize them in a typical way when you start a game, but you do pick up different skins for them.  Some of which drastically change their look or are just palette swaps.  So each character has one special ability which distinguishes itself from the rest; Gunzerker can wield two of any weapons at the same time, Assassin can project a hologram and turn invisible, Siren psylockes baddies (she puts ‘em in a psychic bubble thing), Commando can summon a turret, and Mechromancer can summon Death Trap a floating giant robot. Now if that doesn’t interest you, things get a lot deeper.  Each character has three different skill trees that alter how they play and what their special ability does.  You gain points to put skill trees as you level up.  This is really fun for huge RPG nerds, the level of customization is really high.  You obtain class mods that allow you to get benefits to your skill tree, and are definite incentives to try out different loadouts.  They are definitely my favorite type of loot to find! I made an assassin in my first run of the game.  Snakeyes was a deadly sniper, but wouldn’t mind slicing bros in half if they managed to shrug off a headshot (Borderlands logic, FTW!).  I later dabbled with throwing shurikens.  Pretty damn fun!  I liked the sniper tree the best because the more headshots you get the more your critical damage grows.  It’s super awesome, and it makes you feel i-n-c-r-e-d-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-b-l-y powerful.  Actually that’s one of the best things that B2 captures is the sense of power.  At the beginning, you get crushed into space doodoo by enemies easily, but towards the end you a true balla playa.  I love that gradual transition into video game zen.  I also played with the other characters as well during other playthroughs with my bros and pals.  I think the Mechromancer is my favorite character because she has this really unique skill tree called Anarchy – and it is nucking futs.  Basically you have anarchy that builds into a stack that grows if you kill a guy or your mag empties; it restarts if you prematurely reload.  The stack gives you benefits of added damage, and other skills play with Anarchy as well.  It’s pretty complicated sounding, but it was the deepest RPG and most unique I’ve seen in recent years.  B2 kept bringing me back to try out different skill trees and what a different class mod would do.  It’s more than addicting.  

 

Guns. SO MANY GUNS.  If you ever wanted to play a game that was all about guns, this is it.  The game even boasts eight different weapon manufacturers.  All these different brands have different quirks to ‘em; Torgue shoots slow moving bullets…BUT THEY EXPLODE, and you use Tediore guns like grenades..when you have to reload because THEY EXPLODE.  Ok.  There are also several different weapon types: sniper rifles, pistols, smgs, assault rifles, rocket launchers, and shotguns.  All of which behave differently based on what brand they are; Jakobs makes my favorite pistols, big ole Dirty Harry magnums –BANG! The level of depth in the weapons you find is incomparable.  It’s also worth mentioning when you get to higher levels weapons get different added bonuses like damage, reload speed, or element damage.

Now to the meat and potatoes.  

 B2 plays a lot like the traditional Halo FPS.  In terms of health, you have a shield that gets depleted first, and then health (unlike Halo you can see numerical values of both your shield and health that change based on your level and equipmunk…equipment).  You have a melee attack, can crouch, have a super unrealistically high jump, throw grenades, shoot gunz, zoom in, and use your special ability.  Pretty standard here, nothing complicated.  I think that’s why I like this game so much.  It’s not terribly complicated to play (albeit if you’re a headshot master then you’re pro in dis game), but it’s the strategy behind how your character plays is what keeps the game interesting.  It’s hard to find two people playing the same character the same way, and that’s awesome.  B2 isn’t a terribly difficult game, but when you unlock game+ it is much harder.  A cool factor in the gameplay mechanics is that if you play with more characters there’s a higher chance for better loot and more enemies to fight.  It’s always better to play Borderlands with a friend, and I treasure that.  

I guess I COMPLETELY forgot to tell you what you do in this game!  You kill a bunch of baddies.  They come in all sorts of psychotic varieties, midgets, dudes with shields, scary/gross/huge/fire beasts, and robots!  Actually there's a bunch more, but that's just a little taste my friends.  I don't normally have a hard-on for enemies, but B2 does such a great job.  They all have stuff to say, and are either kinda off-putting or hilarious.  There were many great one-liners from the baddies; some involving them doing stuff to your corpse or begging you to shoot them in a head (That's an actual quest!!!). My favorite are the Goliaths.  They are these big dudes with buckets on their heads.  If you knock off their head buckets, they go into a rage, their head will extend in a alien stalk-like way, and will kill ANYTHING.  They have the best random lines.  My personal favorite that comes up often is a gradual screaming of "hey" as they run towards you.  So you shoot these minions, get money, get loot, get experience, and they are the true heroes of the game.  They sacrifice their bodies for you to grow.  What troopers!

The menus! Oh the menus!  I love ‘em.  It’s comparable to Dead Space’s virtual reality menu.  It’s really sweet to see all the info at a flick of a button.  Also, dat ass.

A new reward aspect implemented in B2 is Badass Ranking.  And it’s…BADASS. So they reward you for killing dudes, making explosions, and shooting dudes in the crotch.  The more badass stuff you do, the higher your rank, and you earn badass tokens for every time it raises a level.   You can spend your tokens on passive boosts like faster shield recharge, faster gun reload, more damage, and all sorts of neat things.  I really love this system, and it’s even MOAR BADASS when you can brag how much higher your ranking is compared to your poop friends.

Oh!  And the DLC involving the season pass is primo.  No, they don’t raise the level cap, but they do offer some different flavors of awesome.  One’s about treasures out in some desert, and there’s flying sand skiffs (Return of the Jedi fantasies fulfilled!), and pirates?  The other involves a brand new vault being discovered in a crater.  Mr. Torgue (of Torgue guns! He’s oddly reminiscent of the late Macho Man Randy Savage) sponsors the BAD ASS TOURNAMENT OF BAD ASSES.  It’s pretty bad ass.  Sorry I already rehashed a joke.  Needless to say this one has a lot of explosions, memorable characters, great boss fight ROBO DRAGON!!!!, and more Tiny Tina and Mad Moxxi! Go GET IT.

Borderfuckinglands.  I love this game.  I love it a lot more than I ever expected.  After several playthroughs, I’m pretty certain no other game this year has kept me more entertained.  I’m pretty sure this is game of the year material here, but we’ll see soon enough…who knows maybe the latest COD will take me by surprise! (I’m fucking kidding.) IloveyouGearboxcanIhaveyourbabies?