My Best Picture Reviews (Of What I Have Seen So Far)

DISCLAIMER: I have yet to see Les Miserables and Life of Pi therefore I will not comment on them in this article. It's not that there bad movies, in fact they may be good but one is a musical and the other is about a boy, a tiger and a boat. They were not at the top of my priority list.

Well, after sitting through just about every Best Picture Nominee 2013 has to offer, I have to tell you: This year is strong. I laughed, cried, squirmed, felt anxious and loved almost every minute I spent watching these flicks. In fact, I loved them so much I am going to mini-review and rank each one. I decided to not only numerically rank them, but also put them in three catagories: No Way Bro, I Can Respect That, and Hot Damn That Was Awesome!!! Each catagory tells how I felt about the movies in particular. Without further ado, let's get going.

No Way Bro

7. Amour: Amour is not a bad movie, it was just not my cup of tea. In a year filled with military dramas and dark comedies about crazy peeps this French flick just does not stand out. Amour is mainly about Georges, an eighty year old man who must take care of his ailing wife Anne. The movie plays out painfully slow as the couple realize the meaning of love and how it changes over time. The relationship between Georges and Anne plays out well and the depressing message in the film is both intelligent and poignant, which is why I think this movie deserves the chance to be viewed if you have some free time. However, this is not a contender like some of the others I have seen and for that there is no way this will be the Best Picture at the end of the month... Bro.

6. Lincoln: Ok so this pains me to say but Lincoln was not that bueno. I am a history buff, hell, I'm a history teacher but dang this movie was boring. When I think of Lincoln, I think of a book like "Killing Lincoln" by Bill O'Reilly. Sure, he is not anyone's favorite author but his book is action packed and catches the emotion of Abe's final days. Did I like Daniel Day-Lewis's portrayal: YES! Did I like seeing the return of Tommy Lee Jones to the big screen (which if you have not seen "In the Valley of Elah" yet I highly recommend it): YES! But, on a whole was this movie entertaining and interest holding... NO! Thanks Spielberg for trying to capture a moment, but like last year's J. Edgar, you failed. Sorry.

I Can Respect That

This is the moment when opinions change drastically. Those first two movies were my least favorites in the catagory, no doubt. The rest of the movies I saw that are in this catagory are much harder to choose from. I did not mean to group the following two movies together, but it is how I felt about them and they just happen to be similar.

5. Zero Dark Thirty: First off, Jessica Chastain you are awesome. With that said, I found Zero Dark Thirty to be highly entertaining and also a little long winded. I felt that this movie told the story of the hunt for Osama well, but lacked the emotion I felt in my lifetime while this took place. When they finally got Osama, I wanted to feel pumped and excited. Instead, I felt meh. Just meh. I was disappointed with that feeling and blame that on the fact that this movie took too long to develop. at 160 minutes it was too damn long. With that being said, Chastain was the bees freaking knees, and it was nice to see Andy (or Chris Pratt) finally be the bad ass he deserves to be.. BURT MACKLIN FTW!!!

4. Argo: Now this is what I am talking about. Argo had emotion behind it, great actors, and made me just the right amount of feel-good and pissed. For those of you who let this fall between the cracks. it tells the story of a CIA operation that led to the rescue of 6 embassy workers in Iran when the embassy was taken over in 1980. Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck) of the CIA decided to create a fake movie staff with the help two producers (John Goodman and Alan Arkin) in order to get into Iran unnoticed. The plot is absolutely nuts and the best part is it is true. It moves a little quick but I liked that about it. I felt anxious during the last 45 minutes and rightfully so. Affleck does a great job here and really makes me feel like he is Mendez, the guy that did all the work and recieved no credit. This is the first movie on the list that I think could win best picture, it could even be the favorite after it's SAG win, but I doubt it will. Argo is a great flick but lacks the creativity and emotion that the top 3 do. Prepare for what some might consider an upset choice...

Hot Damn That Was Awesome!!!

3. Django Unchained: I freaking love Django. I was so pumped during this movie. Every time that someone deserving was killed, I was pumped. This film captures justice in a jar. Jamie Foxx once again brings it home as the protaganist, Christoph Waltz is as cool as ever, and Leonardo DiCaprio is as epic as ever. The tale of a slave turned bounty hunter killing the evil in the world is great. When he finally goes after DiCaprio in order to save his wife (Kerry Washington), it moves into the realm of amazing. Django tip-toes around a three hour runtime, but never feels like it. I never found myself to be bored because the gun fighting scenes were awesome. The script was on par with what we expect from Tarantino, but the show stealer was Samuel L. Jackson.He is superb in yet another Tarantino film and his character is absolutely cringeworthy, in the best way.

2. Silver Linings Playbook. SLP is one of my favorite movies of all time. Right now I think about it and feel anxious, but I want to laugh as well. This is the result of the amazing chemistry the actors have in this movie. Bradely Cooper as Pat is one of my favorite characters in any movie... ever. He is so damn neurotic yet heart felt, funny, and heart-breaking at the same time. Do I want him to win best actor? YES! His character just screams real world along with the rest of this movie. There is only one movie that got me more emotionally invested this year and it is the one that tops this. Before I get to that, I have to share a story about the film I am discussing. I first saw this with fellow blogger bobwinkle12, and our feeling about this film was mutual: Pure Unadulterated Happiness. We laughed so hard I could barely drive and it gave us such a rush of Euphoria. If you missed this film, unfortunately you have missed a lot. 

1. Beasts of the Southern Wild: For our blog audience this might come as a surprise, but my favorite Best Picture nominee was Beasts of the Southern Wild. Rarely, do I emotionally connect with a movie in the first ten minutes but here I did. I don't know if it is because of my surroundings, job,  or what but I felt instantly connected to this film. Beasts is a fantasy tale about a six year old girl named Hushpuppy, her abusive and unhealthy father, and her Louisiana home "the bathtub". Huhpuppy must be both a little girl, and hero to her friends and neighbors. Her adventure unfolds quickly and creates large amounts of anxiety through out. Her resilience is also a sign to anyone in a tough spot, that it can get better if you try hard an never give up.  Quvenzhane Wallis and the rest of the no-name cast are amazing and very believable. Their performances will make you both laugh and get teary eyed. To understand exactly what the cast and crew went through to film this you need to look up the whole story. You will be surprised and astonished at the work put in.

Best of Twentydoz

Best Vidya Games 2012

2012 was a pretty damn good year for video games.  Here’s a list of my personal favorite games that I played.  There’s some in the list that I haven’t gotten around to, so keep that in mind.

1. Borderlands 2  

There’s a lot I can say about this game, so I will.  I love it, and I love the experience.  The gameplay is tight, engaging, and very addicting.  The characters are what actually set this game apart from its competition, and really draw you in.  The game is even more fun to play with a group of friends, and it doesn’t take away from the experience in the slightest.  If you're looking for a game that's worth every penny this is it; you will play this longer than expected and actually enjoy it!  The best way to judge this game is that I’m still playing it.

2. Mass Effect 3

This shouldn’t come as a surprise.  Without a doubt one of the best trilogies of any gaming series ever.  This game feels like what war should feel like.  There’s a lot of anxiety, dread, and also a slimmer of hope.  The characters are really good, and I love catching up with former crewmembers in this game.  The fan-service in that regard is astoundingly great.  Looking back at my review, I was scathing of the ending.  Now, I don’t hate it; I got caught up in the moment.  It's the direction they chose to take with the ending, and you got to respect that.  The multiplayer was definitely an element I didn’t see myself liking, but I played it so freaking much.  I can’t see myself stopping either.  It’s incredible to see how much effort they’ve put into continually release more free content for the multiplayer.

3.  Far Cry 3 

The best way to describe this game is Skyrim with guns.  I really fucking love this game.  If I were to continue the comparison to the beloved Skyrim, I’d say FC3 has a more interesting story.  So BOOM.  Also, most bro hero ever? I think yes!  The story missions in this game are well designed, and INCREDIBLY fun. I think a lot of sand box games could learn from this game, like, that you don’t have to make story missions scripted, rather just simple and engaging.  I was totally captivated during the entirety of the game, and I was constantly exploring the islands looking for treasures and hunting animals.  Oh and you will have dreadful nightmares of sharks from this game.  We are treated to an extraordinary villain in this game named Vaas.  He reminds me of Joker a bit, but he’s unique in his own ways.  He’s very crazy, and he wants to kill you.  There’s a lot to be found in this game, and it’s mostly fun. 

4.  Dishonored 

I didn’t hear about this game until a friend of mine literally showed me it.  I was really impressed, bought it, and played it after I had my fill of Borderlands 2.  This game is awesome because it makes you feel so powerful for using stealth.  Dishonored plays as a stealth game in the first person; I know that doesn’t sound too appealing, but Dishonored works within its technical limitations and goes leaps and bounds beyond it.  It has its own, original, new universe, an alternate universe steam punk world with weird blood magicks (they come from harvest these other-worldly tentacle-faced whales!).  The gadgetry and magic really headline the gameplay in this game.  There’s some really cool stuff you can do, and you can even play the game without magic if you want.  My favorite is definitely blink which is teleporting (it’s the handiest), summoning rats, possession (you can possess anything from rats to people), and many more.  Everything about Dishonored story wise is very fascinating, and it becomes one of those games where you seek out extra information to learn more about the lore – talk about immersion.  I really liked the graphic style of this game; it’s very bleak yet very beautiful at the same time.  I actually liked that they made this game a mission based game rather than a sandbox game.  It makes you feel very cautious about your surroundings and explorative at the same time.  The game rewards you and punishes you in a very unique way, and I like the way the game creates chaos based on your actions.  The chaos level creeps its way into the story as well.   The gameplay is really tight, and the evolution of different powers and equipment make you feel very powerful and capable by the end of the game.  The game feel is AMAZING.  The rush of teleporting roof top to roof top, of sending a horde of rats to eat your foes, to even swashbuckling sword fights  it feels amazing.  Stealth games take note of Dishonored; they got everything right.  Ass Creed you are shamed.

5. XCOM: Enemy Unknown 

THIS GAME.  I had no interest in this game until Steam had it on sale.  I played it on Christmas Eve, and had a hard time putting it down.  This game plays a lot like Fire Emblem, Final Fantasy Tactics, or any Strategy RPG.  It feels so gooooooooood.  The basic concept is that you’re a leader of this secret group to prevent and research aliens.  They attack Earth, and you defend Earth.  There’s really not a whole lot story going on here, but that’s okay.  You have a lot of interaction with different manager characters and you grow a strong bond with your soldiers that you’ve named and customized after your favorite characters, friends, and family – Darth Vader was my one man army. XCOM treats your soldiers with the rule with if you die in battle you’re dead for good, so you grow a bond with your little soldiers.  This game will stress you out and make you feel like crap when you complete a mission at the sacrifice of one of your prized soldiers.  I had to put the game down a couple of times because I lost one of my more powerful characters, and had to start anew with a rookie soYou can intercept UFO’s with your fighter jet, which plays out like a Pokémon battle – very awesome.  There’s a ton of resource management as well.  You also have some tough decisions to make; do you protect Canada or Mexico?  Do you send laser guns to the Brits?  The game turns into a race to turn alien technology against them and save Earth.  It’s interesting because you can completely fail this game, sort of win, and win.

6.  Journey  

Journey is magic!  Don’t stop believing that.  I guess I ought to clarify; Journey is not a game about the beloved ‘80s rock band, but rather an almost spiritual journey of a robed character.  In a year where there’s been a lot of great indie games released, this is the cream of the crop.  I’m actually really impressed with Sony’s release of stream of great indie downloadable titles that are really great; Unfinished Swan, Sound Shapes, and some others.  Before I get any further, I want to give a nod to Fez because that is a really phenomenal ‘12 indie title.  At the very beginning of the game you spot a mountain far off in the distance, your goal is to reach it.  This game has a level of polish that is hard to surpass; its graphics, music, and gameplay are really top notch.  The game is pretty simple, you get from point A to point B; it can be completed in a couple of hours.  But this game is really about the experience there.  You ride on magical carpets, hide from scary ass dragon things, and avoid freezing to death in the high peaks.  There’s also this wonderfully magic element with the multiplayer; you interact with anyone who is playing on the same level as you.  Journey’s a bit different than normal cooperative play; you don’t know who they are and you can’t talk to them.  It’s so wonderful when you come across a seasoned veteran with what seems like a mile long scarf that can show you a couple of secrets and help guide you along.  Then he’s gone, and you’re freaking out at first.  Did he die?  Then you realize he decided to go on with his own journey, and you feel abandoned.  There’s something special about the multiplayer here, and it’s something we haven’t seen before.  I loved this game more than I expected.  I’ve talked to different peeps about this game, and it seems like everyone has a different take on what Journey means.  I love that about this game; it makes it special for everyone.  It’s really something when you reach the mountain. It’s the quintessential PS3 exclusive of 2012.

7. Max Payne 3 

As you read in my review, I really loved this game.  This game is a well-defined 3^rd person action game.  The controls are incredibly responsive, and the gameplay is both incredibly frustrating and rewarding.  The campaign is super solid, and it feels like an AAA gritty action film.  I really like that this game stands on its own; it doesn’t really require the player to know Max’s backstory or play his older games.  The music is so good. HEALTH outdid themselves on creating a heart pounding, gritty electronic music that certainly adds more to the game and its intense moments. The game-feel is sooooooooooo good in this game.  I think that and the story make MP3 on my top ten.  It’s responsive, and the bullet time shoot outs make you feel SO POWERFUL.  It’s like you’re a modern-day gun wielding demigod and you are slaying evil mortals.  The multiplayer is pretty solid to boot.  I’m really impressed that they devised a way to make bullet time feasible in multiplayer – it’s pretty sweet.  I think the multiplayer is kinda bad in the way that noobies can be steamrolled pretty easily, and it’s hard to get a handle on the game when everyone is better and have better gear.  Besides that this is a near perfect action game, and I’d recommend this to any fan of noir or action films.  MP3 is a tough game, but it’s rewarding and fun to keep ya around.

8. Hotline Miami 

This is such a fantastic game, and great effort for an indie developer.  I’ve spent a lot more time on this game than I ever anticipated, and I’m okay that most my time was spent on retries.  HM is not an easy game, but it has that hardcore old school feel that is not seen much these days.  I love the top-down strategic infiltration/action/slaughterhouse gameplay.  The game-feel is really good, but I have to admit sometimes it feels loose.  This is tricky to explain; it’s like you’ll intend for something to be thrown in one direction, but the reaction time from your button press to the action is delayed a little. I don’t know, maybe I got used to this later on in the game, but this is definitely my only beef with Hotline Miami.  I will say the music adds to this game; I still listen to the soundtrack!  The plot is very surreal and at times seems like it feels influenced by Clockwork Orange, and we’re treated to animal masked vigilantes.  It’s really trippy and awesome.  HM also boasts collection of unlockable animal themed masks that give you game-changing boosts and weapons; you earn them by completing certain score on levels.  There’s even a secret ending for true completionists! Anyone that’s a fan of the movie Drive will love this slick, 1980’s inspired blood-fueled massacre.

9. Spec Ops: The Line 

SOTL was hard to place on here.  I really like this game, but at the same time I loathe it.  I love it because how different it is for a military shooter.  I hate it for how bad it makes me feel; there’s moments in this game that will make you put down your controller and think about what you just did – killing doesn’t feel good.  Spec Ops does something that COD or Battlefield will likely never try to emulate, and that is give the player consequences for killing.  In SOTL, you and your two squadmates are ordered to go to Dubai during the worst series of sandstorms in the history of mankind to help the evacuation of its rich citizens and find out the fate of the 33^rd battalion of US soldiers that were originally tasked to evacuate this city.  So this game devolves into pure insanity as you continue your journey, and you’re tangled in this awful conspiracy as you discover that the 33^rd battalion is alive and roaring. I don’t want to give away too much more about the plot, yet I want you to keep in mind that this game captures the horrendous feeling of war.  Spec Ops game feel is good, I wouldn’t say it’s great.  It doesn’t play as smoothly as I’d like for a 3^rd person shooter, but I’m glad it’s not a 1^st person shooter.  It makes you feel more connected to your character and your allies.  The squad mates’ A.I. isn’t very strong, and you’ll end up doing most of the work in this game.  The guns feel heavy, and powerful.  The cover system is solid, and won’t mess up the flow of combat.  There’s a tacked-on multiplayer to this game, and it’s mediocre at best.  I wish they hadn’t added multiplayer, but I guess they were just trying to be competitive.  The graphics in this game are better than you’d expect.  I really like what they did with the sand (it’s no Journey!), but it can act/look dynamic at moments.  The sandstorm bits are harrowing and the graphics lend to this.  There are several surreal moments in this game that look stunning, and really add to the experience.  I chose Spec Ops not because it’s one of the best games of 2012, but rather it’s the game we needed.  I highly recommend this game to anyone who overlooked it. There’s an experience here that can’t be found anywhere else.

10. Walking Dead

 Like my fellow blogger, Hoeney McGraw, I loved this game.  But I have a hard time justifying it higher than ten on my list.  The reason I say this is because I feel like it’s less of a video game and more of an interactive movie.  That’s fine, but when it tries to be a video game it really struggles.  I feel like moving forward, onto season 2, this game should employ more and challenging puzzles and some actual gun/gameplay.  I think that could definitely add to the game.  Besides that little beef with this game, Walking Dead season 1, as a whole is absolutely amazing.  I actually feel like this game is better than the tv show at times, and it captures the desperation, angst, hope, fear, and hatred of the characters during a zombie apocalypse.  I would advise anyone who is fans of Walking Dead, zombies, or great narrative to give this game a try.  NOTE: Do not to play this in one sitting; it will make you depressed.

Honorable Mention:

Darksiders 2 

 I really, really, really, reaaaaaaaaaaally wanted to put this on my top ten.  I couldn't find a spot for Death on here.  I feel really strongly about this game on many different levels; the graphics, gameplay, and game-feel are incredibly well made.  It’s astonishing how poorly this game was received!  The chief problem with this game is its identity; it is a jack of all trades but master of none.  I think my only beef about this game is the story, and that’s because there isn't much of one in this gem.  You can definitely overlook this if you’re up for an adventure! R.I.P. Vigil Games.

Halo 4 

This is the Halo we were waiting for.  Well, let me clarify, this is the Halo I was waiting for.  I was a big fan of the first Halo game, and I can’t even count or begin to think how many hours I spent playing that game.  That was a game that will forever define what a great FPS should be.  I liked the second one alright; I generally liked all the additions and improvements upon the original.  Then we got Halo 3.  I hate this title so much; I feel like they changed so much of the game that I couldn’t get behind it.  It was Masterchief, but it was boring.  I dunno; I felt like they lost what was so special about the earlier titles.  I skipped this one, and briefly touched ODST and Reach.  ODST is not very good, and I can’t recommend it except for the Gears of War inspired Horde mode where you kill waves of Covenant.  Reach is aight, and I appreciate what they tried to do with it.  It didn’t feel like a worthwhile last hoorah for Bungie, and I was excited for a new developer to take the Halo mantle.  343 made the Halo HD remake.  I personally haven’t tried it, but I heard it sucked.  I was disappointed about this, and it made me wary of Halo 4.  I didn’t buy H4 until I tried it at a friend’s.  It blew me away.  The game-feel in this game is so right for an FPS.  You feel the weight of every single different gun.  You hear the different guns blazing while in combat.  You feel the swift gun-bunt when you slam it into the back of a grunt’s head.  It’s AMAZING.  Oh. Oh. OH. The graphics!  Halo 4 is the best looking game on the 360.  It blew me away.  When I popped it in for the first time I just stared at different stuff, marveling at the great detail in every little thing.  Oh my gun-jizzing-goodness.  It’s unbelievable.  I don’t understand how my 360 doesn’t explode when I press play.  Now the campaign isn’t exactly AAA, but I love the decision that we’re fighting a new species of aliens.  That was a strong decision, and let’s be honest; we’ve been waiting for new enemies and guns for ages.  Halo 4 is actually more about Cortana than Masterchief, and I’m not sure if that is a good idea.  I don’t particularly like this romance between the two of them, and it gets awkward when Cortana has a case of Tourette’s when you’re busy blowing baddies’ heads off.  There are a couple of vehicle-centric levels, and they’re good.  They do a great job of making you feel incredibly powerful.  One of the last levels has Masterchief piloting a spaceship, and plays like Star Fox.  That is pretty freaking awesome.  There’s not really a flying section like in Halo Reach (the best thing about that game, M I RITE?).  The multiplayer is super solid, and I think the change of zombies to flood was really cool.  I’m not really a multiplayer guy, but I’ve played this.  So that’s commendable in of itself.  The other mode in this game is called Spartan Ops, and it’s really bland.  I haven’t followed the story behind it, but it’s something about other Spartan warriors on a ship and they do jobs?  I dunno.  It’s really boring compared to the campaign.  This game is incredibly solid, but I couldn’t find a place on my list for it.

Paper Mario Sticker Star 

Allow me to begin with declaring my profound love for Paper Mario.  I'm a huge fan of the first entry into this unique paper Nintendo universe.  I played that game almost too many times (probably 30) when I was a kid, and I loved the gamecube sequel as well.  The Wii one doesn't count.  I think I loved them so much because it's an action-oriented turn-based RPG.  It's definitely in the vein of Super Mario RPG, and that's perfectly ok.  Now this 3DS version is very different than its predecessors in several ways.  1.  Every attack is based on stickers you collect. 2.  Resource management is key to this game. 3. There's a lot of secrets and puzzles.  I really fucking loved this game, but at the same time it drove me up the wall at how frustrating its mechanics can be.  There will be moments when you are forced to use up some super-awesome-powerful sticker on a group of baddies, then to find you're facing a boss without anything powerful to whomp on him with.  Alas, this is a small gripe.  I think this game is actually what developers should look back on how to make future RPG's.  It requires a lot more thought, and there is absolutely no level-grinding involved in this game.  It's amazing.  I highly recommend this game to anyone that owns a 3DS, and/or an affinity for sticky things.

BEST MOVIES 2012

I want to clarify, I am not the Oscars, I do not vote for the Oscars, and my list of favorite movies will definitely be the end all be all BEST movies of all time.  I also didn't see everything....Also, these are interchangeable except the top 3.

1. The Dark Knight Rises

Batman is the best.  Christopher Nolan ends the Batman trilogy triumphantly.  There's a lot of hate for this movie, and I really don't get it.  There's so much to like, and I think the problem is that we're constantly comparing Bane to Joker.  I personally feel that Bane is just as enigmatic as the Joker, but less chaotic and more sinister.  Bane, Catwoman, and John Blake were great additions to the series.  I can't even begin to describe how large my boner was when Anne Hathaway appeared on screen decked out in all leather as Catwoman. OOOOOOOOOO!  Dat ass. Anyways, I personally feel like this movie is more about what makes a hero, and what they struggle with to keep on hero-ing. For a super hero movie there's actually not a whole lot of action, but I savored the slow impending destruction of Gotham.  The last twelve minutes make my heart swell up like I'm watching a classic Disney movie.  Nolan really knows how to give closure to such a tremendous trilogy.  I LOVE IT.  (totallythebestbatmanmovie!!!!11)

2. Silver Linings Playbook

I initially went to go see this because the cast is a freaking home run (Robert Deniro, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, and freaking Chris Tucker!).  I really had no idea what this movie was going to be about, and I gotta admit I was mostly surprised.  I mean, I knew it was going to be a romantic comedy of some sort, but I didn't know exactly what I was getting into.  Bradley Cooper plays as the main character, Pat, who is afflicted with bipolar disorder.  The film begins with his mother taking him out of mental health facility, and taking him back to their house.  Almost immediately we are treated to the beginning of the madness; Chris Tucker pleads with Bradley Cooper's mom to take him saying it's all good with the mental health facility.  But it wasn't.  So there's that, then we witness a lot of emotional breakdowns, and explanation to his back story.  He goes to his court-mandated therapist who plays "My Cherie Amour", and he loses his shit.  We find out that his wife cheated on him with another teacher (the both worked at a school), and on top of that it was their wedding song.  So every time he hears that song he goes berserk.  From this point on we learn that Pat has a silver lining playbook; he thinks that despite being sent to a mental hospital it will make him better for his wife Nikki.  He is obsessed with getting back together with his wife, and will do anything to do it.  Later on he goes to a dinner at his friend's house, and is introduced to JLaw's character.  She's the sister to Pat's friend's wife -woo. She recently lost her husband and her job (she was sleeping with everyone in the office!); so she is super depressed.  Pat's friends were trying to pair up this sad pair.  It doesn't really work, and Pat is off-put with the idea that JLaw would replace his Nikki.  So skipping ahead a lot, Robert Deniro aka Pat's dad, is a bookie and is on a winning streak.  Deniro wants Pat to stay around for good luck, but Pat is busy.  Pat devised a plan with JLaw to give Nikki a letter only if Pat is her dance partner for an upcoming dance competition.  Practice actually helps Pat, and he calms down tremendously.  Deniro ends up taking a bet for all his money with his friend on a football game with a sidebar on Pat's dance competition.  Without spoiling much more, this movie evolves from a romantic comedy, to a character study, family drama, sports movie, and so much more.  This movie stressed me out so much to watch just because how awful Bradley Cooper acts; he punches his dad in the face!  But, bro, this movie makes you feel so good.  All the pressure just melts away after watching the last scene, and it feels like everything is right in the world.  Now, I'm not a huge fan of romcoms, but this so much more than just that, it's a top-tier movie.

3. Wreck-it Ralph 

C'mon!  You knew this would make the list.  I love Disney.  I love video games.  This is not a half-assed movie, and it's so much fun.  Anyone who's played videogames in the past ten years will get almost all of the references and I guess the relevance(?).  Anywho, Disney created up this whole new classic arcade game called Fix It Felix.  Ralph is the bad guy that destroys a building, and Felix fixes the damage.  Ralph is tired of being a bad guy, and wants more respect.  He decides to go out into the other nearby game worlds to get a hero medal to prove that he isn't just a bad guy.  So freaking cool concept.  We don't get to travel to any recognizable video games, but we see a lot of cameos from video game stars like Zangief, Bowser, Sonic, that bar guy from that rootbeer game, Qbert, and a shit ton more.  Ralph goes to an fps world that totally reminds me of Aliens meets Halo, and we see the main baddies.  Little bug aliens, and the end up doing bad stuff.  I'm not going to talk a whole lot more about it plot wise, but this was a strong Disney movie.  I was really taken by surprise that this wasn't made by Pixar.  It's really charming, and there's a lot of detail to be found in each scene.  I was smitten by this movie.  It's such a good Disney movie, and it's great for anyone who likes video games.

4. Django Unchained

Quentin Tarantino made a movie in 2012?!  Yup, and it was fucking awesome.  It was about this bounty hunter who teaches a freed slave to become a bad ass.  And I guess to save the ex-slave's wife too.  Oh and Leonardo Dicaprio is FUCKING NUTS.  I don't know how he didn't get nominated....BUTYEAH.  He's a psycotic slave owner who makes slaves fight each other and junk.  It's freaking crazy!  Ohoooooooh!  There's the best shoot outs in this movie.  The gunshots are so satisfying.  The blood. Ooooooooo.  This was my favorite action movie.  The plot's good, but not the best.  I got to admit, this is not that chatty for a Tarantino movie.....

5. Looper

Did you like Inception?  YOU'LL FUCKING LOVE THIS MOVIE.  Uh.  It's nothing like Inception, but this is the best sci-fi action awesome movie.  Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt play the same character, but Bruce is the old one.  By that I mean, Bruce is sent back in time to be killed by JGL. UGH.  It's a time travelling movie, but it's really freaking cool.  I don't want to get into it too much, but the ending to this movie made my head explode.  It's so well-layered, in a good way.  Only complaint is JGL has a Bruce Willis CGI face.  This was a dumb idea.  I mean it was meant to seem that he looks more like Willis, but it looks weird because the audience already knows how JGL should look.  They should've gotten some unknown actor instead because we would be weirded out by CGI face.

6. Zero Dark Thirty

Looks like Hurt Locker all over again!  I wouldn't be surprised if Jessica Chastain (MOAR LIEK JESSICA GODDANG!) takes away best actress at the Oscars.  So I saw this purely out of everyone's hype for this movie, and I really like the movie title.  I wasn't really drawn to it, and since it was based in reality I had a hard time relating to it (that's a joke).  But this was pretty dang good.  It's kind of what I expected; a slow buildup to the discovery of Bin Laden.  But it was really worth while.  If you paid attention to major events in the past twelve years you'll have a basic understanding as to what's going on in the movie.  Now, I don't know how factual this movie actually is, but it's not too factual because I didn't fall asleep.  This is a well done movie, and I really got into it as the movie progressed.  I was hype as shit when *HISTORICAL SPOILERS* they killed Bin Laden.  I was really hoping Andy from Parks and Rec was going to get the 'shot', but that's something left for my dreams.

7. The Cabin In The Woods

I don't like scary movies.  I didn't want to see this movie.  I saw this reluctantly on DVD after it was released.  This movie is essentially an homage to what horror movies are, and poking fun of it.  It's really not a scary movie, and it's actually cool to see the monsters come on out.  This movie was a lovely surprise, and I highly recommend it to anyone.  I guess not children....

8. Avengers

I'm a nerd, so I flocked to this movie like syrup flocks to pancakes? Uh anyways, this movie is the definition of a summer movie; crazy action, funny one-liners, and lots of explosions.  I could really nitpick this movie, but I had so much fun watching this.  And it's literally the first supergroup movie ever made, so that's a big deal in of itself.  

9. Seven Psychopaths

SP is the movie that probably no one heard about unless they had their Walken-radar at the ready.  This movie is about Colin Farrell who is a big-shot writer, and is desperately trying to work on a new book.  He hangs out with Sam Rockwell who plays one of the titular seven psychopaths, and is just a lovable goof that doesn't mind getting his hands dirty.  Then there's Christopher Walken who plays Rockwell's dognapping partner.  Well, they dognapped Woody Harrelson's (he's a big, bad mob boss) cute doggie, and insanity happens.  The thing I really loved about this movie is that there's stories inside of stories when Farrell's trying to create stories for his new book.  Without spoiling anything, there's a lot of plot twists, crazy action sequences, dream sequences, and drug sequences!  I really enjoyed this movie.  I thought it was going to be a dumb movie, but it was fantastic!  Sam Rockwell acts superbly in this!

10. Prometheus

I know I probably shouldn't put this movie on my list, but I really liked it!  I'm a massive Aliens fan, and this was a really fun prequel.  Having said that, there's a shitload of flaws with this movie.  I think that's ok if you keep in mind that all the Aliens movies have really dumb people in it.  Like really dumb.  I gotta say Prometheus does have the DUMBEST characters, and it's frustrating to begin to think why they couldn't run to the left.  But there's a lot of mystery to this movie, and every time I watch this movie I get confused and excited.  Something about those feelings make me feel like a child discovering something new and exciting.  Also, this movie looks so fucking good.  The CGI makes me jizz.  I am fond of watching this movie with people who hadn't seen it because the debates afterwards are primo - kinda like Looper/Inception.  

Honorable Mention:

Frankenweenie

This is the Tim Burton/Disney movie we've been waiting for since Nightmare Before Christmas.  I would've placed this on my list, but Cabin in the Woods and Prometheus kinda are both monster movies.  I love monster movies, but I couldn't place Frankenweenie on the top ten. I enjoyed this movie mostly because it's the first Burton movie in some time that has some heart.  It's really unique; it's black and white stop-motion movie set in 50's.  It's about this boy named Victor who loves his dog Sparky.  Sparky gets hit by a car, and Victor is devastated.  He gets inspired by his loony Russian science teacher to test the bounds of science, and via Frankenstein, Victor revives Sparky.  Sparky's kinda a zombie dog now, but Victor loves him nonetheless.  There's an upcoming science fair, and competition is stiff.  Victor's classmates hear rumors about Victor's experiment, and they perform the same on their deceased and living pets.  So we're treated to a whole bunch of awesome classic monster movie references; werewolf, godzilla, gremlins, vampire, and so much more.  This movie was really clever, and had a great message.

21 Jump Street

This really ought to have been on the top ten.  This was the funniest movie of 2012.  I can pop it in and still get lots of laughs from it.  Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill have a great chemistry, and are genuinely hilarious. This is pretty much Super Bad but the kids became the goofy bad ass cops.  I think that's the best way to put it.  

Skyfall

I liked this movie.  It had the best visuals in a Bond movie yet.  I got to admit for a Bond movie, this was the least Bond movie ever made.  The last stand scene stuff comes to mind.  I digress; I had fun and Daniel Craig is a badass. Javier Bardem was equally crazy and bad ass; great Bond villain. Am I the only one super stoked they killed off M? WHOOOOOOOPS.

Music

So I actually didn't listen to much new music this year.  I don't think I could comprise a list of ten albums, so here's ten songs! yeah! YAY! *Note: I have kinda shitty taste in music*

1. Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?

2. Two Door Cinema Club - Literally anything off Beacon

3. Tenacious D - The Roadie

4. Kendrick Lamar - Backseat Freestyle

5. Frank Ocean/Earl Sweatshirt - Super Rich Kids

6. David Byrne & St. Vincent - Who

7. Walk The Moon - Anna Sun

8. Sleigh Bells - Comeback Kid

9. TNGHT - Higher Ground

10. Wallpaper - Stupidfacedd/ Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis - Thrift Shop

   

The greatest forces on all earth assemble!!

THE
(MIGHTY)
(MORPHING)
AVENGERS!!!!

I have stepped out of the shadows...yes, Elder is back! Ican't believe it's been almost two months since I wrote an article...whoops!Had some crazy ass times in the past couple months, though. But, I am here, andget used to it!

THE AVENGERRRRSSSS! Yes, everyone's favorite group ofskull-smashing, wisecracking super men and ladies finally got their big screentreatment. And I gotta hand it to Marvel - their campaign worked off. They'vebeen setting the wheels for this mama for years. First came The Hulk, then The IronMan, then The Caps, then The Thor, now this. And what a thrill ride!

Boiled down version: Loki is the villain in this one; he comesback from getting his ass whipped in Thor to once again stir up trouble, thistime with a pointy stick and a little cube of energy called the Tesseract. Hehas been hired by this random alien race they never really explain to retrievethis cube for them. They never quite explain what the stick is, just that itmakes everyone it touches look like they were just pooped out by a Frost Giant,and then in addition, puts them under Loki's command. Until snapped out by agood hard hit to the face - as seen in the cases of old man scientist andHawkeye. Gotta throw a shout out to the archer man. Archers have been giving mebroners for about 10 years now. They rape so much in Age of Empires II; theythe best! So I have a special affinity for Hawks on that account alone. Apartfrom that, he's pretty much a huge cock. But I digress...Loki comes down, putshis stick to scientist and Hawkeye, and retreats with them and the cube whichapparently is the key to unlocking godly power. In the process, he almost takesout Bell's Palsy-afflicted Sam Jackson, and the whole theater would havemourned. But he didn't, and instead, Robin Scherbatsky goes after him! Yes, CobieSmulders is in this; I squealed. Loudly. And for the rest of the movie she wasonscreen got giddy...in my pants. Which reminds me: Rock of Ages looks so good.So gay, but so good. I urge any who like musicals and Alec Baldwin in aridiculous hairpiece (which might only be me) to see it when it comes out!

SOOOO! I kept sidetracking myself. Loki escapes, and nobodywants the cube in the clutches of that evil queermo, so the Avengers startforming. We get everyone together, and boom! Fight on. That's the basic plot ofthe movie. So..now onto the review! Weetsa!

We open up to a classic set up for a sexy scene. Hot girlbeing tortured. Oh yeahhh. Well, except she's not really being tortured - justslapped around a bit. My personal Friday nights. Anywho. She escapes, usingsome awesome chair action on the Russian mafia, and proceeds to call good oldAgent Coulson, that annoying guy from all the other Marvel films. Flash over tothe Hulk man, Bruce Banner as he is known in that puny human form, who for somerandom reason is kicking it in India, being a doctor. Which is weird, becausethrough the whole movie, it makes it known he's a physicist, not a medicaldoctor. Hmm..but, simple little thing. The only beef I had with the movie wasthis (besides the lines): Hulk goes nuts on Black Widow for some reason (can'tremember why), and almost kills her. But then, in a big moment before the hugebattle scene, he says that he is always angry, thus that he always has controlof his power...so therefore, he was just being a giant asshole to Black Widow,and no one says anything to him about it!

On that note though, Hulk had several bad-arse/funnay asheck moments in this, including both the biggest crowd pleasers: punching Thorduring a moment of complete stillness in a little revenge move, and thenwhack-a-moling the ever-living stuffing out of Loki. He was definitely thehard-hitter they had in their climactic battle in the end. And Ruffalo did agreat job! Always loved him as an actor, but though I really wanted Ed Norton,he came through in the clutch...hard.

But back to the review...Iron Man comes in around this time,after we meet Banner, and hoo boy, does Downey kill it! First Iron Man movie isstill my number three superhero movie ever, and it was mostly due to this man.He keeps the magic up 5 years later! And Gwenyth Paltrow, dear lady, you havenever looked better. Ps, I know you had to love the hell out of her! Lawl. Shewas foxy as can be. Had some entertaining dialogue between her, Downey, andAgent Boy, some prevarications from TONY STARK (who built his suit in a cave!),and finally he decides to get off his metal butt and go help the cause. YayyyStarkie! Sadly this is our last glimpse of Paltrow - boooo!

Who do we encounter next but the now-unfrozen relic from thepast, Captainnnn America! Who's all huge and bulked out and punching a punchingbag super hard. Oh he mad. He busts it open and spills its little beans on theground, he so mad. It's kinda interesting...I never saw the CA moviebeforehand, but they really build the Captain up to be this updated buffoonwho's way out of the loops (since he's from the World War 2 era now in the IraqWar era) and who spouts outdated, overly patriotic trite. And yes, in case youcan't tell, my least favorite character. Strong, but not that strong - notsuperhero strong, basically. Essentially, he is nothing without the shield. Theshield is way cool and has a great name - vibranium! But, on the note ofweapons, I was a little disappointed that he was the only one of them to use agun - and he doesn't use it with good accuracy! So much for a super-solider. Hisbest moment is when he takes charge of the Avengers, which makes sense for himto do it...but I still wanted Stark to lead the crew. Ah well. Just my biasestalking.

There's a pretty cool scene, though it gets cheesy at theend, when Loki and Hawks team up to steal this random metal that's needed topower that cube. They crash this part, steal it, and then zoom out...but notwithout getting stopped! People all around are trying to stop them, and one oldman stands up when all others are cowering and is like 'we won't let you bullyus, you big green horned man you!' Course, Loki gets mighty pissed, and so he'slike 'yeah, you might be the weakest, littlest guy here, but you must be madean example of!' Right when he is about to blast him, the heroes come in, Capand Iron Man, and boom shakalaka, he is captured! They go up in a plane, andold billy boy Thor comes a-rocking the skies with his lighting hammer! Thenarguably the coolest part of the movie happens - Captain America, Iron Mano,and Thor all have a big time showdown in the middle of some forest. They alltry to kick each other's arses, but it ends up in a pretty big stalemate. Yeet!

So this is the film's weak point here...the transition. Theycapture Loki, and then have to deal with his mind games as he tries to trickthem into releasing him (as he obviously does). There's a LOT of cheesy/cringybanter between the lot of them as personalities clash - Cap hates Iron Man, hehates Cap, IM and Hulk have a major bromance going on, Scarlett J. is so out ofplace (I honestly have no memory of her throughout the whole movie). So theyall argue, then Hawkeye and his bad crew come and attack the flying shipthey're on (even though it's invisible - hmm!). Hulk transforms (but not in agood way!) and Thor has to come whip his ass (probably my second fave scene!Gotta love the internal conflicts). Afterwards, Loki escapes his little prison,and traps Thor in it - well, the thing has an opening that drops whoever is init straight down to earth, and it's here we learn Thor doesn't fly. Whoops. Plungeto earth, ahoy! And Hulk follows suit shortly after tearing a jet apart inmid-air. That's the way to go out - in fiery style!

So now we come to the big boy battle! Loki opens up a portalto the other world, and in comes swarms of baddies! I swear this part tookabout an hour in and out of itself - which is ridiculous. This is just onelongggg battle, punctuated by a few awesome moments - the aforementioned Hulksmash of Loki, Loki's bafflement his stick does not work on Stark's littlechestplate, and the first big old dragon dropping out of the sky. Those wereall either oooo moments or lol moments - sometimes a combo! Nick Fury, aka SamJackson's, superiors decide the alien attack is getting out of control, so theypull a Watchmen and send a nuclear bomb toward New York. Only my man Iron Mancan fly, so what does he do but rocket his sexy metal ass way high in the air,grabs that sucker, and pilots it right into the portal! Bibbity boppity boop,the earth is blowed up!...Nah, not really. You really think a superhero movieis going to end on a downer? Happy times abound! No one major dies...except theAgent Coulson. Forgot about him. He had some weird obsession with CA, which wasreally funny. But still, sad when he died. He kinda got punked by Loki, butdelivered a final blow in his death twitches! What a hero!

Joss Whedon has produced arguably my two favorite movies ofthe years. But he is not a perfect filmmaker. He is a niche man through andthrough. Good action scenes excellent comedic timing (and he is helped out anass ton by everyone's fave ex-coke head, Robert Downey the 2nd), but somehonestly cheesy dialogue and a few awkwardsupposed-to-be-cool-but-ended-up-lame moments. The action was superb, though,and it is I would say, my 4th favorite Marvel movie, behind the first twoSpider-Mans, and Iron Man. I'd say a very very good 9.5/10 for this here Whedonvehicle!

P.S. Just saw Battleship today. And I learned five thingsfrom it

1. Horsies live in Hawaii and are very distracting to aliens

2. Rihanna cannot act

3. Alexander Skaargaard is a terrible over-actor

4. Liam Neeson is, and forever will be, the most bad-ass manin the movies

5. Getting tasered for a chicken burrito is worth it if youget some hot puss out of it

DON'T GO SEE IT!!