Baseball/ Bama/ WNBA

Baseball Season

My least favorite time of the year has finally come, baseball season.  While the pros are just starting the college season is in the thick of it.  Now I know a lot of people like baseball and it is a popular sport, but personally I’m not a fan.  It’s not so much the sport but how long it goes on.  Honestly why the hell is there 162 games or something like that, the next closest sport to that is basketball with the NBA playing 82 games.  That is more than half the games of baseball and yet they are able to find a proper champion, so why is it necessary for baseball to have so many games.  I understand that with a series structure you will play more games but come on.  While I know that no major changes will be coming to baseball anytime soon, I hope that they at least can figure out how to make it more interesting.  For instance you could light people on fire, attach the ball to an elastic cord like on Futurama or just legalize steroids.  I feel like baseball is one of those sports you either love or you hate and for me I hate it, not like how I hate hipsters (which is a lot), but like in the way that people hate North Korea or how women hate Kris Humphries.

Bama drops the ball

Probably the funniest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world happened this last weekend when Alabama dropped the ball, literally. According to multiple news sources one of the player’s parents knocked the trophy off the platform bringing one question to light.  Why the hell do you have a 30 thousand dollar crystal trophy that is only sitting on a few metal pegs out in the open, for crying out loud at least glue the thing on or put it in a case.  The first thing that I thought of when I saw this story was whose dad was it and is that kid going to be on the team next year?  Could you imagine being responsible for something like that breaking, talk about awkward.  I once, slightly tipsy, bumped into a waitress at a crowded restaurant causing her to drop a tray of drinks.  Even though I think she slightly dramatized the contact I still felt bad and embarrassed.  Now personally I wouldn’t have felt bad if I had knocked over Bama’s trophy mostly because I think that they are a bunch of poopfaces, but that’s just me.    To be honest it couldn’t have happened to better people.  I don’t want to write too much more mostly because I’m so ecstatic and I’ll just end up getting rambly so I’m just going to go ahead and end with Suck Faban!

WNBA?

The WNBA draft happened on Monday which came to the surprise of 99% of the world who were completely unaware that the WNBA still even existed.   To be fair it’s usually not a good sign when your league’s draft is on a Monday and takes place at ESPN’s studios rather than a separate and seeming legitimizing venue.  It also doesn’t help when when your jerseys have to have sponsors on the front of your jerseys instead of your team's name. To be fair even if all the WNBA games were played topless nobody would watch them mostly because most of the athletes are not that attractive, but also because women’s basketball is boring.  

Nike/ Petrino/ The Masters

Nike

New technology and new specialized fabrics are all the rage with football jerseys these days it seems.  It also seems that ugly uniforms are all the rage as well, from the weird ass uniforms of Marlyland to the ever changing uniforms of the Oregon Ducks.  As you probably heard Nike is the new uniform provider for the NFL and they made their debut this week at a “fashion” show in New York this past week.  While they unveiled new technology, most of the uniforms look pretty much exactly the same with the big exception being Seattle who had their uniforms pretty much completely redone, but how really cares when you suck as bad as they do.  Nike is said to have changed all 32 of the league’s teams uniforms even if it was a minute change with the exception being Green Bay who requested for theirs to stay exactly the same and not even be updated to the new material used to make the jerseys, I think that’s mostly because their accustomed to old out dated things; hint, hint Bret Favre.  I think that all this “unveiling” proves is that if you can come up with five ugly uniforms for certain teams in college football and put the bulk of your intention in designing ugly jerseys for your CEO’s alma mater you can be successful and make people clamor for your poorly designed jerseys.  I think I have a slight hatred toward NIKE especially because I feel like they’ve phoned it in on the last 2 pro combat jerseys that they have done for LSU.  It’s like come on people we have cool colors and are close to New Orleans you could at least go with a Mardi Gras theme or tiger stripes on them or something, come on NIKE dig your head out of your ass you duck humpers and spend less time putting basketball courts up that hurt people’s eyes and spend more time in the design room.

Chick Hog

Big news out of Arkansas this weekend as Bobby Petrino was put on paid administrative leave following his motorcycle accident and his failure to report the accident all combining with the fact that he was with one of his recently hired female employees.  Details on what exactly happened are a little fuzzy but so far it looks like an A-bomb has dropped on Petrino’s head.  If I were him I would be so pissed at myself because not only did I get caught suspiciously with another women who I had just hired the week before when I was married, and on top of that I got hurt really badly, and then had to worry about being fired.   To be honest I find this story incredibly hilarious but that is mostly because I am not an Arkansas fan, but I also find this story refreshing because it shows that there is at least one non incestuous Arkansasian in that whole inbred state.  To be honest I am curious to see what happens because when you look at it he didn’t really do anything to illegal beside not report and accident and try to cover it up so the only reason that they could even fire him is because of making the university look bad, but to be honest how do you make a university in a state widely known as the dumb, inbred state look bad because lord knows it’s not known to be a super educated state. That’s like trying to make Louisiana’s public school system look bad, it’s just not that hard.   My advice to Arkansas fans is move on. No matter if you are a good coach, if you can’t stay out of the news your school is not going to want you around especially if the biggest thing you’ve done is win a Sugar Bowl because of NCAA violations committed by the other team.

The Masters

This past weekend the biggest event in the PGA tour was going on, with American Bubba Watson winning his first Masters.  Anything can happen at the Masters and most of the time it does.  This is basically an excuse for me to talk about some of my favorite golfers one of which is Miguel Angel Jimenez, I’m not making this decision based on skill or anything but simply because I like his trademark pony tail and his cigar look that started a viral phenomenon, when one of his fans dressed up as him last year.  Another one of my favorites is Tiger Woods, now I know he’s the most known athlete in the world but a lot of people stopped liking him when he got caught up in that sex scandal, but to be honest that made me like him more. Especially because now it is funny to make hole in one jokes (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  There is one golfer and I don’t really know why but he just pisses me off and that person is Phil Mickelson.  Now I know that he is a popular guy with going through the arthritis he has and with his wife getting cancer or something like that but there is just something about him that I don’t like.  I think it has something to do with his face but a lot has something do to with his sponsors in all the PGA tournaments I’ve watched I have still never learned what Barclays and KPMG are.  You would think that a supposed top tier golfer would at least be able to get household names as sponsors.  With all this being said I think that the biggest reason I don’t like him is because he is left handed.  Left handed people gross me out, it’s like come on people why can’t you be like everyone else and just use your right hand.  Now back to golfers I can actually stand.  Another one of my favorites is Bubba Watson, not only because he can hit the ball a mile. And rock the shit out of a bucket hat, but because of his name.  I know it’s a bit hypocritical to insult left handed people and then like one, but BACK OFF.    I just think it’s kind of funny to see a golfer named Bubba, to me it almost seems ironic because when you hear Bubba you automatically think of some fat mulletted guy wearing overalls and a toothless smile not some guy with the top button buttoned on his polo carrying around a golf club, but I guess none of that really matters.  I could spend all day talking about golfers I like and don’t like, especially since there are so many of them, but I mostly just wanted to congratulate Bubba Watson on his win and throw a few insults at Phil Mickelson who fell apart in the last round of the tourney.  The only thing that would have been better is if I could have been at the Masters.  I would have followed him around all day just to point and laugh at him when he messed up and yell JACKASS at it him when he hit, like that Red Lobster obsessed guy in Happy Gilmore.

  

Center Court of the Superdome while Anthony Davis Shoots for 3

As you probably might have heard the Final Four is going on this weekend, and it has been a relatively uneventful tournament this season, with only a handful of big upsets and no seed lower than 4 in the Final Four. Yet despite that, it has still been a good year. Living in Baton Rouge it is exciting to know that there is an event this big going on in relatively close proximity to you. The best part is all the other hoopla that goes along with these big events. Over the course of the weekend they have held free concerts in the New Orleans area. Which I guess is cool if you want to see a bunch people who haven't been relevant for 20 years. Among the C-listers playing this weekend is Jimmy Buffett, that’s even more disturbing than Anthony Davis's uni-brow which I'm pretty sure is visible from space. So while Ohio State solidified that the Superdome is just not a good place to play basketball or football I still hope that this National Championship game coming up on Monday is a lot better than the last championship game that was played there.

In other news LSU held their yearly Groovin on the Grounds concert featuring Ludacris last week which is put on by a group of students who are against drinking, sex and other fun stuff…who are known as losers. The thing that I find the most difficult to comprehend is why in the hell would you get Ludacris to come do a concert for an anti-fun group of people especially when his songs are full of drug and sex references - it just seems a little contradictory. They seriously started the concert off by talking about other things you could do instead of drinking and doing drugs and having sex (to a crowd of drunk booing students) and then Ludacris came out. With all that said, it was still the best free hour long concert on the LSU Parade grounds that I have ever been to even though Luda wasn't allowed to cuss or make drug references, which to be honest is like telling a fish not swim or a peacock not to fly. This concert did at least prove one thing, no matter how successful you were in the late 90’s and early 2000’s at some point you will need more money, and then you will be willing to perform a free concert for an hour at a college for $85,000 dollars and not even be able to cuss (which to be honest isn't bad money, it just seems kind of desperate and sell-outish).




-Written by: manherism

Jesus = Tebow

The NFL has been pretty eventful over the past few weeks, but the most recent news from the NFL is also the dumbest. Tim Tebow is quite possibly the worst quarterback to play in the NFL since Jamarcus Russell, but he is also one of the most talked about even though he hasn't done shit except take credit for wins that he had no effect in. His recent trade to the jets is the dumbest thing that I have ever heard. You already have one crappy quarterback why do you want another besides having two quarterbacks that require multimillion dollar contracts which they don't even deserve take up space for useful players that could actually contribute to the team. This is the reason why I think that the Jets are one of the worst organizations in the NFL being only above the Jaguars, Raiders, Chiefs and Dolphins (not necessarily in that order but close). Now you have the dynamic of a crazy coach with a foot fetish, the guy who thinks he is a reincarnation of Jesus Christ, and Mark “dirty” Sanchez who can’t even go 3 hours without having to cram a hotdog down his throat - Let’s see how happy Fireman Ed is with this dynamic. If I were him I would get rid of the fireman helmet, and get a Jets colored gun because I’m sure that by the end of the season he is going to want to end it all.

The NFhelL as you might have heard the NFL recently approved new overtime rules for the regular season adopting the playoff overtime rules for the regular season and adding replays for all turnovers. Now I agree with the first part of this I would prefer it if it went to the college football rules but this is a good start. I have never been a fan of overtime because what it came down to was people moving just enough down the field to get in field goal range so they could go for the easy win. This put more of an emphasis on actually trying to make a touchdown. It won’t turn into a shootout like in college football, but I think that it will make overtime at least more interesting. As for adding more replays I think enough is enough. They are trying to concentrate so hard on making everything fair and taking out the human error involved in football if they keep adding all these mandatory replays to the game not only are they gonna take longer they are going to be more boring. There is already like only 15 minutes of actual gameplay in a 3 hour football game anyway. Another question that comes to mind that I have been pondering lately is what’s the point of having coach’s challenges when all the stuff that matters in the game is under mandatory review anyway? No matter what you do nothing is perfect! If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. If we keep allowing Roger Goodell to make all these changes he’ll only further his tyrannical rule until he eventually takes over North America, and started killing all the people who have ever given anybody a concussion.

Written By: manherism