Alice: Madness Returns is a dark interpretation of the
trippy children’s classic, Alice in Wonderland.
Madness Returns is the sequel to the hot-to-trot American McGee’s
Alice. American McGee has an amazing
name, but aside from that I honestly have no idea why he was allowed to slap
his amazing name onto the first goth Alice game. Semantics aside, American McGee’s Alice is a
revered PC title when it came out in 2000.
I haven’t played it, but I had a buddy who owned it. Yeah! And
this one time I watched him play it while I hid in his closet…
Anyways, AMR was released in 2011. That’s eleven years. Eleven years TO MOVE THE FUCK ON. Jesus!
I don’t understand why EA and other publishers have these meetings where
they’re like, “Oh hey Peter remember that one game we based on that children’s
story that all those nerds ate up because how edgy it was?!?!?!?!?!” “Well, yeah, Frank that Sleeping Beauty game
or whatever. Wait - are you thinking
what I’m thinking? CAN WE TAKE THE SOUL
OUT OF IT, AND CHURN OUT A NEW ALICE TITLE EVERY YEAR!” “LIKE THE
MADDENS?!” “AWW YEAH! LET’S GO SWIMMIN IN OUR POOL OF MONEYZ!”
“LOLOLOL.”
Awful. Absolutely awful…
Let’s move on. I have
been a fan of different takes of classics, but as of late I’ve been growing
tired of this idea. Despite this, I
couldn’t help but click the ‘Add to Cart’ button proceeding with ‘Purchase’
button during Steam’s Summer Sale. Yeah,
I know reader, I have no self-control AND I clearly know better. Butt
(lololol!) I was curious! You see, story
time #2, I dated this really hot goth chick briefly. She was so banging. Oh lord. She liked Cheshire Cat for some reason, I
forget why. So I boot up Alice Returns,
and poof! There’s Cheshire Cat – I had the weirdest boner.
Seriously folks, this game is an action-adventure-platformer. For some strange reason the gameplay in
Returns takes me back to days of old, N64 to be exact. The story spans across 5 different worlds
(Mad Hatter’s build-a-bear-workshop. It’s very steam punk inspired – kinda meh.
There’s an underwater level. There’s also an Oriental themed level – it’s the
second best. The Queen of Heart’s level
that is absolutely amazing. And a terrifyingly creepy dollhouse level.) that are inspired by specific Alice in
Wonderland characters, and an end-all boss.
Each world is set up like this; you kill stuff, figure out a simple
puzzle, get a new weapon, do a puzzle, kill baddies, and finally kill a
boss. SO UNIQUE. The thing about this game is it’s incredibly
simple and easy – the gameplay feels dumbed down for children. Yet the subject matter is without a doubt
mature. I was very frustrated with this
because there really isn’t any challenge in the game and little skill or
thought is needed to figure out puzzles and stuff. It reminds me of platform adventurers of ye
olde N64; you do a lot of jumping on, uh, platforms, collect stuff, beat up
themed baddies, get occasional upgrade, and fight bosses.
Returns does change it a little bit. Each world offers a minigame that you MUST
complete to continue. The graphics did not age well either; AMR looks several years older than it actually is. Alice's character model is quite nice however. You'll love that when she Peach (The one and only princess of dat beautiful Mushroom Kingdom!) floaty jump you'll see flourish of butterflies. Stuff like that is really charming, but it's few and far between. There are a couple
of the minigames I really enjoyed – In the caterpillar/Orient themed level you
jump into a Japanese painting that plays like a Mario game. It was so much fun. I had a blast! Then it makes you play this minigame at least
four more times. Then that fun becomes a
chore, been there done that. It’s
annoying that they decided to make us play something that’s semi enjoyable too
many times. Having said that there is an
awful minigame in Dollhouse World (yes this place is FUCKING CREEPY!), you
control a doll head that is flung around.
It’s not fun. It’s like bowling
with your parents, it was fun until they made you put down the bumpers so you
can’t get those sweet ricochet strikes.
It’s worth mentioning that on the Red Queen level it has
hands-down the best theme, graphics, music, level design, and plot twist. Let me set it up, in the first McGee Alice
game the end boss, main baddie boss was none other than the Queen of
Hearts! So..SPOILERS…you kill the Queen
of Hearts. Her domain has gone to
complete disarray; all her loyal card-servants are shell of their former selves
– Zombies! Yeah card zombies,
folks. I never thought I’d experience
it! The start of the level has you walking, jumping, and puzzle-ing through
this maze of floating cards in the sky.
It is the most eye candy you’ll get out of this game; it’s really
cool. You eventually find your way to
the outskirts of the Queen’s Domain. You
quickly find out she has some sort of presence there, and you seek her out for
some answers. Her domain is really
crummy; all the buildings are dilapidated and for whatever reason there’s blood
and it feels like you’re inside of some sort of organism. It’s
reaaaaaaally creepy. BAM. Here’s this 10
foot tall executioner. You can’t fucking
kill him! He swings his axe wildly, and
you have to run away. Most intense part
of the game, peeps. Absolutely
terrifying. This brute is all zombified
as well, and he looks stupid hungry – for brains. So there’s, like, three parts where you have
to run your cute little booty away from this menacing giant. Then you get what
I was curious about the whole game; the giant potion (I suppose I should
clarify; you get the shrink potion early on that lets you see things you can’t
normally see as a normal sized person and lets you get through small openings
and the like.) THEN YOU STOMP ON
HIM. Oh sweet baby jesus. It is so
amazing. You get to play as
Alice-zilla. You destroy towers, a
billion little dudes, and just wreak havoc. It was entirely too much fun! Then you get a big old revelation from the
Queen herself. I won’t spoil
anymore. This is what I’m talking
about. There’s so much richness,
imagination, and fun to be had in this Wonderland universe! Alas, we only are treated to a glimpse of its
true potential.
I don’t really want to talk about the story too much. It tries really hard to be edgy and
interesting, but I thought it was dull.
The whole point of the game is that Alice is out of the mental
institution and cannot believe she was the one that killed her family via
burning her house down. You gain a list
of suspects as you move along in the game, but I predicted it relatively
quickly. The whole game plays on the
fact that Alice is going crazy again, so she goes to her Wonderland to deal wit
it. So you experience some…scenarios in
the real world that bring you to Wonderland; the whole campaign does this back
and forth. It was like Batman. There’s Bruce Wayne – the one with real world
problems – and Batman – the one with insane villains. Which do you think is more interesting? And the worst part is she doesn't really ever lose her mind - she sort of does, but she gathers her senses pretty quickly. The ending to the game was very
satisfying. However, I have little to no
intention to ever play it again.
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