Mass Effect 3: Nerdgasm or Nerdrage?

I was recently talking to an acquaintance of mine about Bioware (the developer of the Mass Effect series) about where would video game developers/producers go when they die. I said Bioware would go to Heaven first, and then go to Hell. Mass Effect, in case you aren’t a nerd, is a series of sci-fi video games that follows the adventures of Commander Shepard (and co.) travelling around the galaxy killing evil things and saving lives. Mass Effect 3 was released in early March of this year, and needless to say I was about to have a hype-explosion. I personally consider Mass Effect 2 to be one of the best games ever made. I wanted it ever so badly!...despite the already bad press it was receiving before the release (day 1 downloadable content).

OMEGA SPOILERS!!! 

So Mass Effect 3 you are fighting the Reapers (aka the giant flying robo-squids that make that weird-whale-like sound from War of the Worlds) to save the galaxy ‘cuz they like killing “all organics” – that means any living creature for the non-geeks. I enjoyed the heck out of the 30 something hours I put into this, in fact; I beat it in the first week it came out. When I got to the ending of the game I was offered a sort of mediocre ending; not really getting much explanation as to why the Reapers exist and kill everything. And it kind of felt like they made the ending weird just to be remembered by – “Crap, man! Can you believe that kid was the lead reaper…thing?! I thought that kid got blow’d up!!!” And you know what, I was fine with that. I was okay with my forced ending that really didn’t make much sense. Why you might ask? Because I enjoyed the crap out of the journey getting to the ending; the third entry to this series had some of the most fun/craziest set-pieces to play through. Enter internet. I immediately went full-blown nerd-rage when I watched all the endings: screaming, then pouting, and finally contemplating suicide. I immediately recall Casey Hudson announcing that the endings would be drastically different. Complete bull shit! I was so upset with Bioware and myself for believing that. Every ending is exactly the same except for the colors of the explosions; oh and the one you put the most effort in Shepard survives. What is this crap? Did they not think we wouldn’t notice? “Oh man! I can’t think of different endings! Well story design Joe, here at EA, we like to shovel out easily made crap so our consumers keep buying it. So, uh, just make the colors of that one explosion different – yeah that’s some individuality!” So yeah all those playthroughs of ME 1 and 2 were for nothing. All those decisions didn’t really account for much. I felt so utterly disappointed. Making those stressful decisions, creating meaningful friendships, and becoming drawn in an engrossing story were some of my favorite aspects.

HEY! BUT WAIT THERE’S MULTIPLAYER!

 Crap, I guess that totally makes up for….NO IT DOESN’T. 

 Then, rather quickly, Bioware released a statement saying that the feel bad that their fanbase is upset about the ending to the final of the Mass Effect series. Then, they promise to make some addition to clarify some stuff that wasn’t even talked about in the game – REAPERS. So being the faithful albeit jaded fan of Bioware I took their word. Now, I guess we wait to see if they make the ending less…sucky. Bitching aside, I still really enjoy Mass Effect 3. It has the smoothest gameplay and way tighter controls than its predecessors. I also think the graphics were a lot better too. Bioware did a tremendous job in creating a universe that is utterly believable and captivating, so I guess good job on that behalf. But at the end of the day, I feel it was a tad disappointing for such an awesome series.

 I’d give it a 9/10 mostly because I love Mass Effect series, and how much better they made everything except the ending. I actually really enjoyed the story and the pacing of the game up until the ending. My only remark is that the end-game section didn't give you the feeling that the weight of the world was on your shoulders like the second game did; that suicide mission was excellent because of how stressful and intense it was. That wasn't translated into the third game unfortunately. I really, really, love the customization aspects they added – tweaking your gun out with some sick-ass mods, and given the option to pick different upgrades for your abilities was much loved as well. Besides the ending, another major flaw to ME3 is the almost total lack of side missions. I mean they’re there, but it’s like “Oh hey I need a banner, so when you find one when you’re scanning planets bring it back to me. Kthnxbai.” Seriously? That is so weak compared to the fun side missions and loyalty missions that the ME2 had. Speaking of loyalty, your crew isn’t nearly as amazing, fun, or awesome as the second game. I really enjoyed the cameos from some of my favorite former crewmates – especially Mordin, Wrex, Grunt, Legion and Thane. But Ashley (or Kaiden) are no replacements for these folks; for the most part they are just there for romance options and to question your motives. Sounds awesome? WRONG. Ugh. The DLC character that is a (SPOILER!!!!!!!!) Prothean was pretty cool, but I laughed really hard when I realized he was an alien with an African/Jamaican voice. And the other crew member James, I think that’s right, was alright. I feel bad for Bioware they’re getting a lot of flack for making him seem too Jersey Shore-ish. I didn’t even see that comparison, and I actually liked him as a companion albeit mostly because he is super hardy and can take a crap-ton of hits. I’m really happy that Garrus and Liara made it back for the finale, I feel like having those two with you from the beginning to the end is really comforting. Why no mention of Tali? Because she’s the worst! I don’t understand the love for her. Okay, so 9/10. Good game, but like I said, I expected more. Bioware, you know you’re better than this – Tell EA to get off your back.

Now I’m gonna work on my next playthrough…

Written By: bobwinkle12